My Piano And I

It's a horrible relationship, I admit. It's horrible because it's so passionate. I love the piano more than anything. I've only realised it a month ago. There are days when I feel like attacking it with a hammer and crushing the keys, making it silent forever. Why? Because I love it so much, because I get so immersed in playing and because I get so frustrated if a practice session doesn't get well.

Sometimes I'm terribly afraid because I'm putting the piano first. I still remember many days of my childhood that I spent sitting in front of the piano, playing. In summer, other kids were playing hide and seek outside. I played the piano. In winter, they built snowmen and had snow fights. I played the piano. I was always scared of doing sports because I shivered at the thought of injuring my hands and not being able to practise. I was completely and utterly dedicated to music.

I'm writing this because today's practice was awful. I kept sliding out of rythm, hitting the wrong keys, ruining the dynamics, not really feeling the pieces I was playing. I just couldn't concentrate because there were so many other things on my mind. I was furiuos and I slammed down the keyboard lid. I've got to convince myself that it's just a bad day, that this isn't going to happen every single time I have to think about other things. Because if that's how it will be, I'll have to set either aside; my social life or the piano. It sounds overly dramatic, yes. But if you knew how playing the piano makes me feel, you would understand that I have to do my best and give myself to it entirely.

My (very musical) friend once said that an intense "relationship" with my instrument just shows that I'm a musician at heart. A passionate one,Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it, I'm always somehow involved with the piano and I'll never forget about it. It's a love that will last forever, till death do us part. Maybe that's why I shouldn't be so stressed about today's depressing practice session. The piano will always be there for me and I'll always be able to come back, even after horrible days like today.

I believe that's called love. :)

Insomnia makes me do all sorts of things.

Writing silly blog posts, for example.

As I'm most creative late at night, I've been customising my school stuff for next year (will take photos sometime soon). My übercool binder has a photo of a peacock feather pasted over it, it's lovely! I also did some cute little drawings on the first page of my maths notebook. Perhaps it will make the dreadful subject slightly less repulsive. Gosh, I hope so. Right now I'm glancing at my sheet music binder, winking maliciously and thinking "Thou shalt be customised too!". After a thorough inspection of my drawers I found my old felt tip pens and some awesome long-lost stickers, including the puffy ones with musical symbols on them.

Talking of finding things, I've lost the tiny leather folder thingey where I stored my photos for documents and I need the photos because I'm going to go and buy my student bus pass next week. I've been looking for the photos like mad, I looked everywhere but I just can't find the photos. The last time I saw the photos they were in my purse but then I shuffled my stuff around and who knows where the photos ended up. Arrrrrrrgh.

It's 2 am and I'm still awake. I want to go to sleep but I feel totally perky and lively, I can't help it.

I hate not being able to sleep.
Hate it.
Bleh.